Raise your hand if a man has ever called you crazy. Now,
raise it if you ever find yourself stifling your feelings to avoid being called
crazy. This phenomenon of “gaslighting”; a form of
manipulation that undermines any justification for an emotional reaction to the
point where said reaction is considered crazy, runs rampant in the male-female dynamic. I have witnessed countless friends convince themselves that their
reactions are crazy or dramatic following a fight with their boyfriends. They
say, “Maybe he was right, I was overreacting” just to stay on solid ground with
the man who claims to love them. The truth is, if a man truly loves you, he
would never make you feel that way in the first place. When a man dismisses
your feelings and labels you crazy, he is gaslighting. It’s time to stop adding
fuel to this fire and speak up.
Unfortunately, we have all experienced this tricky maneuver. A man says or
does something that is genuinely hurtful and when confronted, passes blame on
our emotions rather than his behavior. We begin to believe it ourselves and
perpetuate the cycle of eating our words and submitting in passive silence to
avoid fulfilling the “crazy lady” stereotype. Our society has conditioned us to
believe that as females we are dramatic and emotionally unstable. In times of
true despair, we are then rendered mute by the ones we love and idly sit by rather
than speak up. But we are not crazy, and any man who refuses to accept
responsibility for his actions and instead emotionally manipulates us into
believing we are the ones at fault, is a coward.
Yes, there are moments when we may freak out over little, inconsequential
things. But in those times when relationships are truly tested in terms of
loyalty, commitment, respect and trust, his response to your reaction is
indicative of how he will treat you for the duration of your relationship. The
next time your loved one tries to convince you that you are crazy to avoid
manning up to his mistakes, remember this. Do not lock away the anger and
sadness just to keep him because you are too scared of how much more empty you
will feel without him. Believe that no man worth your time would do anything
that would break your heart in the first place nor downplay your feelings. There
will be that one man who you never have to feel crazy or silenced with, and turning the gas
light off is the first step to finding him.
*Title credit goes to Giovanna DiGennaro
*Title credit goes to Giovanna DiGennaro
