What is Love?

We all recognize love once we experience it. More than anything, we know that it exists on the basis of our own feelings, or whatever feelings that we specifically define as love. Somehow, despite our obsession with the concept, we can never fully understand it. Our favorite emotion is one that is thrown around everyday, and while it penetrates so many aspects of our lives, it remains such an abstract and fluid feeling.

I call love fluid simply because it comes in a different form to everyone and there is no clear meaning or description of how one is supposed to feel when they find it. I can't label or simplify love. It is purely subjective and something that can only be understood, at least emotionally, when personally experienced.

We've all been told that we can't pass judgement on other people's relationships because we aren't involved in them, and this speaks to the idea of love as only comprehended by those experiencing it. We may disagree with why two people are together, but we have no idea of what makes them work, and how they feel about one another. Their understanding of love may be worlds different than our own. Love to one may be companionship and a sense of security, love to another could be a deeper emotional connection.

Love, in the romantic sense, is truly puzzling. I have racked my mind time after time to solidify some sort of meaning, but to no avail. I find myself looking to my emotions only to define another, and am left with the idea that it cannot be explained, only felt.

What do you think love is? What are the feelings that you associate it with? Please feel free to express anything about your personal understanding of love.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: The Family Man

I sensed a female oriented trend going on in my recent movie picks, so this week I decided to change things up a bit. This movie focuses on a self-absorbed workaholic who gets the chance to go back and see how differently his life would be with love in it. He realizes that the woman he gave up is worth sticking around for. A typical story of what if and one of my favorites.

To Be or Not To Be

Cupid and Psyche, Gerard

After seeing "The Adjustment Bureau", I was left wondering about the extent, if any, that fate plays in our love lives. The movie depicted a destined romance under exaggerated circumstances, but no less had me questioning the idea.

Fate and destiny are heavy words, their meaning implies something far greater than anything that we can control. They suggest an invisible yet all powerful force that has already scripted our lives and that we unknowingly adhere to. I have heard stories of couples reuniting after years of separation, of people meeting and simply knowing that they were meant to be together, and all give credit to this elusive power.

When it comes to love, is there such a thing as destiny? Could our love lives be mapped out for us and we just go through the painful motions of unsuccessful relationships with someones until we find the one? I believe in destiny to a certain degree. While we may be meant to meet certain people, we are led to these encounters by our individual actions. We consciously and actively make these decisions, and fate may play a part in what these choices may lead us to, but is only second to our own free will.

Maybe we are destined to experience different relationships so that we can recognize the one that makes us feel different than any other has. Maybe we are supposed to feel the bad to appreciate the good, or feel hurt to learn from past mistakes. I certainly believe that there is a stronger force that exists that has the power to bring two people together, but that depends on our own choices.  We cannot just sit back and expect our lives to just happen, we need to actively do in order to find. 

Fate and free will work in mysterious ways, leading us to things that will shape our lives in some way. We may give up hope when we get our hearts broken, but we will probably learn something that will invariably alter how we experience and handle our future relationships, and affect the path that leads us to who we are meant to be with. 

In terms of destiny, we do have a hand in our own futures, and the good and the bad could all be a part of our road to finding what we are "destined" to find.

Whenever you are feeling as though you've crossed paths with too much of the bad, remember that everything you go through will eventually guide you to the good.

The City of Love

Well, I'm headed to Philadelphia for the week, otherwise known as the city of love. Okay, it might be considered the city of brotherly love, but love is love and I'm not one to discriminate. I plan on making a trip to Center City's Love Park, famous for artist Robert Indiana's L O V E sculpture. The area is always flooded with couples trying to take a photograph in front of it. If you're looking to visit one of these sculptures and Philly is a bit too far, you can also find them in New York and Indianapolis.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: Sixteen Candles

If you look back and cringe on your awkward high school years, then this movie is for you! We've all had  embarrassing moments, pined for the most popular guy at school, and experienced love for the first time. Molly Ringwald's character speaks to every insecure teenage girl and ends up with the ultimate happy ending. Bonus: Her crush is VERY cute.  A must see.

If It IS Broke, Don't Fix It

Everyone encounters problems in their relationship from time to time, and how they deal with them is dependent upon the people involved as well as the extent of the issue at hand. Sometimes we need to realize that we cannot and should not always fix something when it's broken, as we could end up leaving our hearts in a far worse state than the relationship that we are so desperately trying to save.  As far as relationships go, broken suggests an absence of love on the part of one or both parties, and that in itself is something that is irreparable.

The situation: He tells you he doesn't love you anymore and that he is ending things.  You beg him to stay and tell him that you want to work things out. The resolution: You end up together again but constantly wonder about how you can make him love you, how you can change and what you did wrong. The problem: Love isn't something that can be constructed by any words.  It is a natural feeling, and if it doesn't exist, why pretend that it does?

It always amazes me how easily an essentially "broken" couple can artificially repair itself. Patched up relationships may be smoothed over on the surface, but the entire structure is balancing on a counterfeit framework. Break-ups imply that something is broken, and like small fragments of glass, your heart cannot be fixed with such a temporary solution. While it hurts, sometimes a break-up is needed so that you can fully heal as opposed to leaving your heart in pieces, trudging along with only the delusional idea of being "okay" to keep it together.  Simply staying together for the sake of staying together rather than coping with the hurt and eventually finding love is inevitably more painful than breaking-up. A glazed over surface can only mask the truth for so long, and being happy just to be with someone, and not the someone, isn't true happiness.

When someone flat out dismisses you, your relationship and your love, that's a fairly strong indicator that the issue cannot be sorted out.  To be dumped, and even worse, to be told that you are no longer loved, is painful.  Even more painful is how women can react to this.  Rather than trying to convince someone to love you, you should realize that you shouldn't have to.  If someone breaks your heart or tells you that theirs is no longer in the relationship, then that's that. Love involves two people, and to settle for anything less would be limiting your happiness. Sometimes something isn't meant to be, and the acceptance of this is what will move us forward to find what is. The recovery process will be less painful, and when we do find something real, it will be even more wonderful simply because we know that our love is undeniably and unconditionally reciprocated.

When it comes to relationships, if it is broken, maybe you shouldn't fix it.

The Rules of Flirting

When it comes to flirting, how much is too much? This question doesn't really apply to those of us who are single, but for those who are taken, is there a line that exists? I have always seen flirting as harmless, and find that, as a woman, it's hard not to use it as an advantage.  Girls tend to have a different agenda when they flirt, often a desire to easily obtain something.  Guys, on the other hand, flirt simply for the opportunity to interact with the opposite sex.  Whatever the purpose for flirting, there are boundaries and conditions that apply.

When things go beyond the verbal and move to the physical, that is an obvious and definite offense, otherwise known as cheating.  On a smaller scale, when things become too intense verbally, that is also a strike. We all flirt, but some of us take it beyond the accepted amount and move into dangerous territory.  Repeated flirting with the same person can be meaningless, but when it goes from a social setting to a one on one setting, that could be construed as a date.  If you have a flirtatious but strictly platonic relationship with someone and realize they may want something more, be sure to address your status as "taken".

Pretending to be single suggests that you want this person to believe you're single, which could translate to a desire to actually be single. Additionally, when the flirting becomes too personal and continues via messaging of any type, take a step back.  Even if you don't plan on taking the flirting any further, your partner may think otherwise. As for the compulsive flirters out there, consider if your need to flirt is a personality trait that is based on attention and social interaction, or a need to escape the binds of a relationship that you may not want to be in.

If you wonder if your flattery is too much, think of how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Would you feel disrespected or hurt? Would you think something more was going on other than innocent flirting?  When you have to worry if your flirting is bordering inappropriate, it probably is. Nothing will slap you back into reality faster than a bit of empathy.  Imagine your partner in your shoes and have a look from the outside.