The Chase: Evil or Effective?

My opinion: Effective.

It took me a while to understand this, but once I finally did, something magical happened. I realized that any woman can control her relationship by yielding to a little something called "the chase". I'm not one to play games, but when dealing with a guy who is sending mixed signals, pulling back is the best thing to do in order to figure out his level of interest. Let him chase you for a change.

It can be hard to leave a text unanswered for a while before responding to it, or being "unavailable" to talk when that's exactly what you want to do, but challenging a guy to pursue you is a smart move. Why? Because men love the chase.

Nothing excites a guy more than obtaining something that he feels is out of his grasp. He will put more effort into getting it if he knows that there is a challenge involved. He shouldn't feel like he has simply won you over, but as though you are fleeting and could disappear at any minute unless he follows your lead.

As for the girls in relationships, men can get confused in thinking that we will always be at their beck and call. When he gets frustrated when you're busy, yet justifies his own preoccupation, it's time to pull back. Letting him know that you have a life that does not revolve around him should lessen his hypocritical expectations.

We have all done it at one point, whether we chose to "ignore" his messages for a few hours just to test him, or to dissolve all contact to let him know that he's not the only thing on our minds. When done right, this subtle evasive tactic will have him running to you.

Remember that this method only works in small and gentle doses.  Alienation and flat out disinterest are quite the opposite of pulling back, and a successful relationship is based on equal parts of give and take. But the occasional chase has its warranted moments.

The next time you're wondering how he feels, disappear for a little bit. If he cares, he will chase.

He Says, She Says

Women are far more complicated than men. Our minds constantly try to interpret some greater meaning in their words and actions, but the truth is simple: men operate on the surface. We can analyze them as much as we want, but what we see is what we get. When it comes to men, sometimes it is what it is.

Reading too much into the world of men can only leave us confused. Whether we are trying to pull some small fragment of positivity from what is clearly a negative message, or focusing too much on the negative and completely dissolving the positive, our in depth assessments will never do us any good.

We refuse to accept the simplicity in the fact that men say what they mean.  Rather than seeing the big picture, we break down their actions and choose what meaning we want to give them. We end up either holding on to some miniscule of hope and ignoring the reality of the situation, or we become obsessed with focusing on the wrong, in spite of everything that is right.

Text messages seem to be the most dangerous form of communication for a woman in need of more profound answers. With nothing but a few written words to base a response off of, she will somehow derive an additional message from the original. She becomes the creator of some non-existent text and disregards fact, which is literally spelled out for her. Her fictitious thinking can only hurt her.

Bottom line: Don't drive yourself crazy trying to decode him. Remember that men say what they mean and mean what they say.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: The Proposal

An absolutely hilarious story of a battle of the sexes that somehow turns into romance. Reasons to love it: 1) Ryan Reynolds looks amazing shirtless 2) Who doesn't love Sandra Bullock? 3) Betty White. Enough said.

True Love

Hey everyone! I just wanted to share one of my favorite dessert recipes (love themed of course) for the weekend! Make these Red Velvet Cupcakes with someone special, they won't disappoint. Happy baking!

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon cocoa powder

1 1/2 cups vegetable oil

1 cup buttermilk, room temperature

2 large eggs, room temperature

2 tablespoons red food coloring

1 teaspoon white distilled vinegar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

1 pound cream cheese, softened

2 sticks butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 cups sifted confectioners' sugar

Chopped pecans and fresh raspberries or strawberries, for garnish

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 (12-cup) muffin pans with cupcake papers.

In a medium mixing bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder. In a large bowl gently beat together the oil, buttermilk, eggs, food coloring, vinegar, and vanilla with a handheld electric mixer. Add the sifted dry ingredients to the wet and mix until smooth and thoroughly combined.

Divide the batter evenly among the cupcake tins about 2/3 filled. Bake in oven for about 20 to 22 minutes, turning the pans once, half way through. Test the cupcakes with a toothpick for doneness. Remove from oven and cool completely before frosting.

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese, butter and vanilla together until smooth. Add the sugar and on low speed, beat until incorporated. Increase the speed to high and mix until very light and fluffy.

Garnish with chopped pecans and a fresh raspberry or strawberry.

Cook's Note: Frost the cupcakes with a butter knife or pipe it on with a big star tip.

*Recipe compliments of Paula Deen, Food Network.com

The Dating Game

Dating can be exhausting if we always have expectations of something more growing out of it. It becomes a process rather than something that is supposed to be fun. We stress about finding someone and end up reaching for every guy that comes our way, only to be disappointed in the end. It's impossible to find a match every time, and we should not be discouraged when a date is just that, a date. For those of you who find yourselves growing tired of the old dating game, maybe it's time to take a new approach.

The first date can always be nerve wracking, but the ones following should be more relaxed and comfortable. It's supposed to be about getting to know someone and having a good time while doing it, not worrying about where it may lead. Dating doesn't always have to go anywhere serious, and can just be done for the sole reason of going out. It can simply be something fresh and exciting, and not necessarily future material.

Instead of pulling our hair out and becoming sick of dating, we need to realize that it is okay to be single, for however long that may be. We start to tire of dating because we never allow ourselves that time to be on our own, and jump at the chance of being with x,y and z because we fear the dreaded single status. It never helps to relentlessly search for someone. We need to shake off the expectations of being in a relationship and just sit back and enjoy the ride. Taking the time to work on our relationships with ourselves will only strengthen a future one with someone else.

Maybe casual dating is the answer, or taking a break from it all together. There is such a thing as too much dating, and forcing ourselves to seize every romantic opportunity (no matter how far fetched) that crosses our paths can detract from our enjoyment and faith in love.

The next time someone gives you that sympathetic look when you tell them that you're single, remember that me comes before we, and that dating will become exhausting if you always associate date with mate.

Mirror, Mirror...

It's easy to scrutinize the problems in our peers' relationships and make the solution to whatever issue the couple is dealing with seem obvious. We simplify the necessary response, but this is only because of our detachment from the inner workings of the relationship itself. When it comes to our own dilemmas, we tend to think twice, sometimes even going against the judgment of the better part of our selves, the self that can operate more rationally outside the bounds of love and emotion.

We have all given advice to friends in need, friends who wonder "Is he cheating? Is he lying? Does he treat me right?" We assess the issues and instantly have a plan, pushing it forward and wondering how something so seemingly evident could not be accepted. We react to resistance with frustration as though taking action will come as easily as arriving at the verdict itself. Of course, to us, it seems plain as day. Why shouldn't it?

An outside perspective works solely around facts and is a far cry from those emotionally invested. But what happens when the same issues that we convince our friends are break-up worthy become our own reality? The solution is not as clear, and we reject the strong stance that we had while helping another, and refuse to think from the outside. We become the girl we so desperately try to convince of our conclusions regarding her troubled relationship. When the roles are reversed, we can't step up and take a dose of our own advice.

Sometimes it's better to release ourselves from the constraints of emotion that can override our thought process. Sometimes we need to give ourselves the same advice that we give others. Nobody wants to be that girl, purely naive and refusing to acknowledge the faults in her relationship, yet criticizing others in the same boat for their failure to see the light.

When you find yourself contradicting your strongest convictions for the sake of sparing yourself heartache, maybe it's time to have a look from the outside.

What is Love?

We all recognize love once we experience it. More than anything, we know that it exists on the basis of our own feelings, or whatever feelings that we specifically define as love. Somehow, despite our obsession with the concept, we can never fully understand it. Our favorite emotion is one that is thrown around everyday, and while it penetrates so many aspects of our lives, it remains such an abstract and fluid feeling.

I call love fluid simply because it comes in a different form to everyone and there is no clear meaning or description of how one is supposed to feel when they find it. I can't label or simplify love. It is purely subjective and something that can only be understood, at least emotionally, when personally experienced.

We've all been told that we can't pass judgement on other people's relationships because we aren't involved in them, and this speaks to the idea of love as only comprehended by those experiencing it. We may disagree with why two people are together, but we have no idea of what makes them work, and how they feel about one another. Their understanding of love may be worlds different than our own. Love to one may be companionship and a sense of security, love to another could be a deeper emotional connection.

Love, in the romantic sense, is truly puzzling. I have racked my mind time after time to solidify some sort of meaning, but to no avail. I find myself looking to my emotions only to define another, and am left with the idea that it cannot be explained, only felt.

What do you think love is? What are the feelings that you associate it with? Please feel free to express anything about your personal understanding of love.