The Ex Factor

The letter itself provokes thoughts of error and complete cancellation. The x, or ex, for my purposes however, is not as cut and dry as it sounds. As much as we hate those annoying red marks on papers that suggest a lapse in thought, the ones from our personal lives aren't as easy to accept as final and definite wrongs.

How come our exes keep popping up even when we've labeled them as mistakes and topped them with a sign that suggests crossing them out of our lives? Can you ever completely x out an ex?

If a relationship ends on a sour note, you can bet that the two of you will likely never want to, or try to, contact each other to play a friendly game of catch up. If a relationship comes undone under natural circumstances, then for a short period after you may shoot the other a quick how are you every now and again. Emphasis on the word short. Nothing is worse than having your ex host a never ending pity party in your honor, or doing the same to him.

After a while, even the most amicable of exes should pull the brakes on keeping each other in the picture. You can never move on from one relationship to another if you're still tangled up in the past.

The possible exception: Friends turned lovers turned friends, who can seamlessly shuffle from one stage of intimacy to another without feeling obligated to force polite conversation. How this pans out in the long run depends on how a new boyfriend or girlfriend handles the ongoing relationship. Three's a crowd and stepping on toes is likely.

One thing is certain when dealing with the ex factor. No matter how pretty (or ugly) the breakup details, a lingering ex is sure to taint any new relationship. Bottom Line: Out with the old, in with the new. After all, they're called exes for a reason.

Dirty Politics

Long time, no love. My apologies for giving this blog the cold shoulder, but it's back to business. Today's topic of discussion: The biggest weiner of them all, Anthony Weiner. 

Why is it that men in power are so susceptible to cheating? Anthony Weiner, who officially stepped down from his position as Congressman of New York's 9th district, really did a number on his reputation with his recent sexting scandal. Though he initially denied sending images of his penis to a number of women via Twitter, he eventually came clean. 

This isn't the first time a politician has been caught engaging in lewd behavior, and given the latest headlines, it won't be the last. Case in point: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It appears that, when men are elevated to positions of power, their egos become just as inflated. One would think that their statuses as figures of extreme scrutiny would make then weary of potential scandal, but instead many find themselves living "above the law", so to speak. 

Whether they think that their money and titles will save them from fault, or that the opportunities afforded to them should be seized in spite of consequences, their behavior knocks them right off of their pedestals. They just never seem to learn from the previous "dirty" politician's mistakes.

Maybe these men search for power to mask their insecurities, or maybe they become so brainwashed by their lifestyles that they feel entitled to do and have everything and anything. Constant criticism from the public may limit the amount of introspection that they are capable of, and while unfortunate, it does not justify their actions.

Weiner's explicit tweets rocked the nation, and provided us with yet another politician, dazed and confused once found out, who just never saw it coming. 

Lesson: If you can't take the tweet, get out of the kitchen.

Double Date Night

This weekend, break out your bowling shoes and head to the alley for a double date! Team up with your friends' boyfriend and compete against your man. This will bring the four of you closer together, rather than isolating each couple. The perk of double dating: You can spend time with him and still be social. An opportunity to be together in a larger social sphere keeps things fresh and exciting.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: 10 Things I Hate About You

Who could forget Heath Ledger serenading Julia Stiles with "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" from the high school bleachers? Don't be fooled by the title, this movie is all about love. Be prepared to fall hard for bad boy Patrick Verona (Heath Ledger) and the nerdy and adorable Cameron James (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) as they scheme to get the women of their dreams. Loosely based off of Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew," this movie blurs the lines between love and hate. One of my favorites.

Meet Me Halfway

It's that time of year again. For college seniors, the big time decisions that have been put off since freshman year, the inevitable choices that once seemed so distant and so intangible, can no longer be ignored. A career and the transition to adulthood beyond the sheltered confines of college life are enough to make any young graduate shake in their cap and gown. Even more frightening? Factoring love into this whirlwind experience.

At the top of any graduate's "To Do" list is finding a job. For most, the fragile fantasy of obtaining the dream position is shattered upon entering the real world, and the instant dose of reality sends shock waves that leave newcomers reeling.  They realize that maybe it won't be so easy after all.  With all the drama of securing a career, where does love fit in?

This turning point is sure to test the strength of any relationship, as love and individual pursuits battle for priority.  While graduation is a fresh start, I wonder if love is enough to outweigh the changes that come with chasing life long goals. Can something old fit with something new?

My theory is that a person will never truly be happy if they sacrifice one for the other.  The fulfillment of personal goals will not feel as rewarding if someone you love is given up along the way.  On the other hand, two people will never be complete when together, if they feel incomplete when apart.  There must be a balance between happiness individually and happiness as a couple.

It is possible to follow your dreams and to keep the man of your dreams.  This comes with its own challenges, but compromise is key. Who says that you can't have both?

This statement may be the product of too many childhood years spent watching fairy tale movies, but my belief is that a woman can be her own knight in shining armor and still find her prince. She can be career driven and successful. She can be hopelessly in love. At the crossroads of "Me" and "Us", it's not always a one way street.

Some may find opportunity more satisfying than sharing their success with someone that they love. Others may find success in a lasting relationship. For me, why not have it both ways? 

My words of advice when in this trying situation: Meet me halfway.

The Royal Wedding

Today is the day that romantics around the world have been waiting for! Prince William and Kate Middleton married this morning at a beautiful ceremony in the famous Westminister Abbey. Be sure to tune in to catch snippets from their wedding and be a part of a true love story. The royal event will be covered all day.

Key To My Heart

Nothing better represents unbreakable love than the display of locks on the Ponte Vecchio bridge in Florence, Italy.  Enamored lovers have affixed padlocks to the railings of the famous bridge to symbolize the strength of the bonds that unite them for over a decade.

Though it is uncertain as to how this became tradition, many attribute the presence of the "luchhetti d'amore" to the mid 20th century, when soldiers in Italy would attach their wardrobe padlocks to the bridge.  The romantic origins of this practice remain a mystery.

Today, couples scribble their names and the date of their trip to Florence on their locks and then throw the keys into the river, representative of the pairs' unwavering connection.  Though the government has tried to intervene (complaining about aesthetic concerns), lovers still flock to the bridge to permanently make their romantic affairs a part of history.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: Forrest Gump

The touching story of a man whose life always brings him back to the woman he loves. The film follows Forrest (Tom Hanks) throughout various points in his life. No matter the circumstances, he manages to cross paths with his childhood love (Robin Penn). Eventually, their intertwined lives manage to permanently connect.

Why I love this movie: Forrest's innocence and compassion make him easy to fall for

Can't Buy Me Love

Since when did gold digging become a four letter word? It seems that the traditional romantic fantasy has replaced Prince Charming and his white horse with a CEO and his fat wallet. These days, more and more women are dating under the condition that love can conquer all, provided that it also comes with financial security. Little girls' ideas of destined romances are being kicked to the curb and traded for cash. Have we become content with swapping the letters l.o.v.e and r.i.c.h to guide our relationships?

We've been brought up to believe that we can have it all. But is having it all in love and in life contingent upon our financial success? I'd like to think that love is powerful enough to hold two people together-that a feeling trumps materiality and plays no part in romance. If only the world was so simple. In a time of growing economic uncertainty, it's easy to say that the the smart girls are marrying money. It's easy to envision their future as one that never includes worrying about the bills, but that future does not necessarily include love either.

First and foremost, a relationship should be based on love. "Smart" women may ensure that their suitors also fit their fortune seeking needs, but smarter women will realize that they can make their own fortunes and find love as well. Women with no sense at all (financial or otherwise) will disregard this feeling completely. While they may find an empty and short lived happiness in spending, a relationship without love is as shallow as the gold digger who pursues it.

Women who assess their relationships in terms of both love and money may be smart, but those who search for only cash to fill their hearts will never truly be happy. As for me, I'll take love above all else. After all, there's nothing wrong with tradition.

Love Today

Hey everyone, I just thought I would share some of the things that I absolutely love about today. Happy Easter!

My Achy Breaky Heart

The days, weeks and months that it can take to bounce back from a painful breakup are inevitable. No one is immune to heartache, but there are ways of learning to properly cope with the hurt. Follow these tips to ensure a healthy road to getting back up after a tough breakup.

1. DON'T think that immediately throwing yourself into the arms of another guy will heal you. While occupying your time with him may take the edge off, you will never get over your ex until you learn to be okay with being single

2. DO surround yourselves with friends and family who you can talk to and lean on for support. Your relationships with them will do you far more good than rushing into any fling. The love and happiness they provide will fill any empty space in your heart

3. DON'T use social media to find out what your ex is up to. Make sure that you disconnect yourself from him. Nothing is worse than hanging onto the remnants of a relationship casualty via a facebook page or a twitter status. The heartache will only linger if you refuse to accept separation

4. DO think about the faults in the relationship and the things that could be improved in the future. Always acknowledge the very real possibility of finding another love. Dwelling on a failed relationship leaves no room for romance

5. DON'T obsess over how things could have been or how you could have changed.  The right guy will love you for who you are. Relationships aren't easy, but remember that there are always two people involved. Don't saddle yourself with all the blame: Everyone makes mistakes

6. DO allow yourself to feel. Nothing is more dangerous when in the process of mending a broken heart than to pretend that the ache does not exist. Let the hurt, fear, anger and sadness surface. You will feel much better, and heal faster, once these emotions are released

7. DON'T let him get to you. After a breakup, he may want to be friends. Allow yourself time to be alone and move past loving him before you decide if you can handle, and if he is worth, friendship

8. DO live your life. It is amazing how freeing being single can be. Focus on your happiness above all else. Once you are content with yourself, then you can take the step to being content with someone else

Fool for Love

I can never wrap my mind around how women who have been cheated on can so easily forgive and forget. They foolishly run back into the arms of the enemy, and carry on as though their relationship is not tainted by lies and deceit. Their fury withers and fades into sadness, and losing the one they love becomes harder than leaving the one that they should hate.

Hate may be a strong word, but in order to have the strength to leave someone who has hurt you, you need to consciously recognize the pain that they have caused. Failing to get angry and allowing yourself to feel only sadness will make a decision to stay with him all the more likely. Even more likely will be his unchanged behavior. Your refusal to pull away will imply an acceptance of his actions, and the cycle of disrespect that he initiated will continue, with you driving it forward.

It may seem like the hurt of a break up outweighs that of a betrayal, but spending your relationship in a constant state of paranoia and wondering if he will cheat again will be far more painful than ending things to begin with. While it may not surface immediately, a seed of resentment will eventually take root, and nothing will shake it until he is out of the picture. Instead of ignoring its existence, weed it out from the start: Get mad.

We've all heard the expression, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Maybe it's time we listen. If not, we're only fooling, and hurting, ourselves.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: My Best Friend's Wedding

Julia Roberts learns that the friend she had always hoped she would marry is engaged to another woman. While the ending may not turn out as expected, it's hilarious to watch Roberts on her hell bent quest to win over her best friend, played by the adorable Dermot Mulroney. Reasons to watch: Deception and romance are brilliantly rolled into one. Plus, Cameron Diaz plays Roberts' annoyingly perfect rival.

Give Me a Break

Unfortunately, the end result of this break is not quite as sweet

When broken down, a "break" can be defined as a prolonged breakup process.  The more subtle but equally damaging step down from exclusivity keeps a couple intact while they temporarily go their separate ways. The relationship is held together by the loose use of this term, suggesting a reunion at some point after the "seeing other people" routine grows tiresome. More often than not, the break slowly but surely becomes a full blown breakup. The blow is softened by the limbo period, but happens nonetheless.

The backwards logic that encompasses a break never seems to do any good in strengthening a relationship, it simply holds it together by a thread until it completely comes apart. Couples fear breaking things off entirely and so resort to the break to lessen the pain, and to convince the person who doesn't want it that ending things was partially their idea. Yes. Breaks are typically implemented by one, not two. When two people want time apart, they break up. When one person wants time apart, he/she breaks.

The break is becoming more common within the realm of relationships, and continues to disillusion women who never quite understand that they're being weeded out. They prefer a break to a breakup, and so fall for the doomed in between stage of romance. This may seem a bit blunt, but why would anyone agree to drawing out a relationship's demise? How could someone refuse to recognize the magnitude of a break, and its consequences?

It may seem like a break is superior to complete detachment, but like a bandage slowly being ripped off, the end result is the same, the process just delayed. When someone asks you for a break, guess what: They do not want to be with you. Even worse: They're too afraid to flat out tell you this. 

Instead of playing into his manipulative plan and foolishly thinking that a break will dissolve any doubt within his mind , remember that break and break up may not be synonymous, but the former will indefinitely lead to the latter.

My opinion on breaks: Give me a break

Too Much of a Good Thing

Space. When used in the context of relationships, this word often has a negative connotation. It strikes fear in women who assume that it means break, or worse, break-up. This logic serves to be far more detrimental to a relationship than any need for space itself. An absence of space is what inevitably damages a relationship, not its presence.

Women are programmed to attack when they feel that their man is pulling back. We automatically question and cling to ensure that we resolve the problem, and while we may think that our prompt response may reel him back in, our overly attentive behavior can have the opposite effect.

It's instinctive to drown him in affection to compensate for his distant behavior, but sometimes space is the answer. While men may think nothing of kicking back and watching the game instead of hanging out with their girlfriend, women tend to take this to heart. They fail to realize that in order to be desired, they need to allow room for that desire to grow.

Suffocating him 24/7 eliminates any chance for him to miss you. Time apart to do your own thing will stretch the bond that you two share, and once you both feel the tug, you will pull yourselves back together. This is called the "Rubber Band" effect.

Relationships need this push and pull aspect that is brought on by time apart. There is such a thing as too much time apart that could dissolve any connection, but think of the perfect amount of space as the kind that allows you to still do the things you love while being in love. A night out with the girls, a day out shopping, a jog in the morning are all little things that can give you time to yourself without detracting from your relationship.

This space should not be confused with "break" in any way. A break is a set up for people who refuse to admit that a relationship has ended. Breaks are bad, space is good.

Yes, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Spending every second together can result in boredom, a lack of interest and a loss of excitement. The next time he wants to be alone, don't go crazy over his need for space. Remember that it is a necessary ingredient in any healthy relationship, and will keep your spark alive.

False Friends

I always hear stories of couples who emerge from what was once strictly a friendship. At some point, they realize that they want something more, but this leaves me to wonder:  Can feelings of trust and love on a platonic level be confused with those associated with romance? Can friends turned lovers somehow misinterpret their connection and fall into an intimate relationship that was never meant to be?

Guys and girls rarely seem to be able to be "just friends." I'm not saying that they necessarily always end up dating, but I believe that at one point or another, on the part of one or both people, there is that nagging feeling of "What if?" This could be the result of men and women's innate sense of finding a mate in the opposite sex, but I believe that there is another reason for the urge to "test the waters."

To put it simply: When men and women develop a strong connection with each other, spend time together, trust each other, and love each other (all on a friendly level), it makes love in the romantic sense seem all the more feasible.

Maybe we are looking for the easy way out by finding a mate in a best friend and skipping all of the heartache in between. Sometimes these types of relationships do work out and are capable of the transition to that next level.  But what about those who are fooled by a friendship, those who believe their feelings can so easily jump from one level of intimacy to another with no romantic basis? These people end up destroying a great friendship, or worse, manifesting their friendship as a relationship and substituting companionship for romance. They never have the opportunity to experience true love, just comfort and security with a best friend.

The next time you wonder if your best friend is boyfriend or girlfriend material, think about this: Are you searching for convenience, or do you really feel a deeper love for them that a friend could never provide? Before you take the leap from bff to bf, think about what you really want, and more importantly, what you deserve.

Plain and simple: If you feel no spark, no attraction and no butterflies, your "relationship" could be a false friendship.

You've Got Mail

Hey everyone! Blogger just added a new application that allows you to hear about my new posts via email. Check it out under the "About Me" section and put in your email address for updates on "For the Love of Love!"

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: The Breakfast Club

A classic throwback that perfectly displays teenage angst among a group of five very different high school students. Tensions rise but friendship (and romance) blossom. This movie will have you begging for a Saturday detention, and 80's icon Judd Nelson.

The Big O

Bang out the Monday blues (no pun intended) with the Big O! This fruity cocktail is sure to get your weekend started early!

Ingredients

Ice
1 ounce orange vodka, preferably Stolichnaya Ohranj


1/2 ounce Cointreau or other triple sec


2 ounces blood orange juice


1 ounce Simple Syrup


Large dash of orange bitters


Large dash of Angostura bitters

Directions

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add all of the remaining ingredients and shake well. Strain the drink into a chilled martini glass. 

Dinner for Two

Skip the takeout this weekend. Stay in and cook up some love with this traditional Italian recipe!  

Bucatini all'Amatriciana with Spicy Smoked Mozzarella Balls (A fancier form of spaghetti and meatballs using a thicker noodle)

Ingredients:

All'Amatriciana Sauce:

2 tablespoons olive oil

6 ounces pancetta, diced

1 yellow onion, finely chopped

2 garlic cloves, minced

Pinch crushed red pepper flakes

1 (14-ounce) can crushed tomatoes

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for seasoning

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, plus more for seasoning

1/2 cup grated Pecorino Romano

Meatballs:

1 small (6-ounce) onion, grated

1/2 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley, plus 1/4 cup

2/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese, plus 1/4 cup

1/3 cup Italian-style bread crumbs

1 large egg

2 tablespoons ketchup

3 garlic cloves, minced

1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

1 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for seasoning

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, plus more for seasoning

8 ounces ground beef

8 ounces ground veal

2 ounces smoked mozzarella cheese, cut into 16 (1/2-inch) cubes

1 pound bucatini or other long pasta

Directions:

For the sauce: In a large heavy skillet, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the pancetta and cook, stirring constantly, until golden brown, about 5 to 7 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, remove the pancetta and reserve. Add the onion and cook for 5 minutes. Stir in the garlic and red pepper flakes and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add the tomatoes, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon black pepper, and the cooked pancetta. Simmer, uncovered, over medium-low heat until the sauce thickens, about 15 minutes. Stir in the cheese and season with salt and pepper, to taste.

For the meatballs: Position an oven rack in the lower 1/3 of the oven. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, combine the onion, 1/2 cup parsley, 2/3 cup Parmesan, bread crumbs, egg, ketchup, garlic, red pepper flakes, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper. Add the beef and veal. Using your hands, combine all ingredients gently but thoroughly. Shape the meat mixture into 16 (1 1/2-inch-diameter) meatballs and place on the prepared baking sheet. Make a hole in the center of each meatball and place a cube of mozzarella inside. Reform the meatball so that the mozzarella is completely covered with the meat mixture. Bake the meatballs for 15 minutes until cooked through.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook until tender but still firm to the bite, stirring occasionally, about 8 to 10 minutes. Drain and place in a large serving bowl. Add the meatballs and sauce. Toss gently and season with salt and pepper, to taste. Sprinkle with the remaining parsley and Parmesan

His and Hers

Sometimes, it's the little things that can bring a couple closer together. "His and hers" daily activities can be integrated into your duo routine, and make the two of you feel at home with each other.  Letting him be a part of even the most inconsequential parts of your day translates to a greater sense of connectedness. Here are three easy ways to fit into each others' lives:

1. Get ready together. This triggers feelings of intimacy simply because your morning prep isn't something that many usually see.  Moving solo events from private to public provides your man with a sense of inclusion and exclusivity, as he feels special knowing he is one of the few to witness your primping.

2. Cook together. Cooking stirs up thoughts of comfort and home, and these positive feelings transfer to the people involved. Make sure the meal is good: Food stirs up the oxytocin levels in men, a hormone that influences bonding patterns.

3. Watch his favorite television show with him. This gives you a hint of what he likes to do when he winds down. Becoming a part of his stress free routine links you with feelings of comfort and security.

Under Wraps

We've all seen it.  The couple who is together only in private, but in public refuses to acknowledge themselves as anything more than friends.  I hate to say it, but typically it's the guy who keeps his relationship with the girl under wraps, only allowing her to see how he feels in isolation, and unwilling to take it beyond closed doors. They spend time together, but never beyond the confines of their safe space. Going out is out of the question, and any public discussion of their relationship is brushed off.

Everyone knows what's going on between them, but he won't budge. His friends badger him, but he dismisses their questions, not because he respects her privacy, but because he doesn't respect her. His shady behavior is ignored the second he becomes "hers" again, and she uses his actions when they're alone to negate how poorly he treats her outside of their bubble.

In terms of self esteem, a guy who prefers your company only in private is, metaphorically speaking, slapping you in the face. Women may argue that he cares because he does x, y and z, (all in private, of course) but what about the things that he doesn't do? If your relationship is a secret, he may be keeping you under wraps.

If he can only show you how he "cares" when nobody is around to see, then he doesn't care enough. He should be proud of you, and even if he doesn't want a relationship, at least have the decency to acknowledge you in public. If he treats you like a princess when it's just the two of you, then pulls back and ignores your existence the second that his friends appear, that in itself should be a red flag. He doesn't respect you. These types of "relationships", "hookups," or whatever you may call them, are doomed to fail.

The truth: If a guy can't be with you publicly, than he doesn't deserve to be with you at all.

When in Verona...

Casa di Giulietta

"Casa di Giulietta", the home in Verona that is believed to have belonged to the family of Juliet Capulet, (made famous by Shakespeare) attracts thousands of tourists each year.  The house has a small balcony, which many believe is the one that Romeo stood under to call to his true love.

Women from around the world come to the house to leave letters addressed to the spirit of Juliet, in hopes that she will answer their prayers for romance. They place the letters within the walls of the building, or even write their names and wishes on the walls themselves.  Those who cannot make the trip to Italy simply send letters, begging Juliet for help.

Couples come to engrave their names on the home, as though to solidify their love by permanently etching it within a structure representing one of history's greatest romances. Legend says that rubbing the statue of Juliet that is located in the courtyard will bring good fortune.

When your love life has you feeling down, write a letter to Juliet. (It's much cheaper than flying to Verona) She may just have the answers you're looking for.

Love Wall

Statue of Juliet

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: A Knight's Tale

The story of a young man coming from nothing and making his way to knighthood; winning over a noble woman in the process. Lesson: Love can conquer all. Literally.

The Chase: Evil or Effective?

My opinion: Effective.

It took me a while to understand this, but once I finally did, something magical happened. I realized that any woman can control her relationship by yielding to a little something called "the chase". I'm not one to play games, but when dealing with a guy who is sending mixed signals, pulling back is the best thing to do in order to figure out his level of interest. Let him chase you for a change.

It can be hard to leave a text unanswered for a while before responding to it, or being "unavailable" to talk when that's exactly what you want to do, but challenging a guy to pursue you is a smart move. Why? Because men love the chase.

Nothing excites a guy more than obtaining something that he feels is out of his grasp. He will put more effort into getting it if he knows that there is a challenge involved. He shouldn't feel like he has simply won you over, but as though you are fleeting and could disappear at any minute unless he follows your lead.

As for the girls in relationships, men can get confused in thinking that we will always be at their beck and call. When he gets frustrated when you're busy, yet justifies his own preoccupation, it's time to pull back. Letting him know that you have a life that does not revolve around him should lessen his hypocritical expectations.

We have all done it at one point, whether we chose to "ignore" his messages for a few hours just to test him, or to dissolve all contact to let him know that he's not the only thing on our minds. When done right, this subtle evasive tactic will have him running to you.

Remember that this method only works in small and gentle doses.  Alienation and flat out disinterest are quite the opposite of pulling back, and a successful relationship is based on equal parts of give and take. But the occasional chase has its warranted moments.

The next time you're wondering how he feels, disappear for a little bit. If he cares, he will chase.

He Says, She Says

Women are far more complicated than men. Our minds constantly try to interpret some greater meaning in their words and actions, but the truth is simple: men operate on the surface. We can analyze them as much as we want, but what we see is what we get. When it comes to men, sometimes it is what it is.

Reading too much into the world of men can only leave us confused. Whether we are trying to pull some small fragment of positivity from what is clearly a negative message, or focusing too much on the negative and completely dissolving the positive, our in depth assessments will never do us any good.

We refuse to accept the simplicity in the fact that men say what they mean.  Rather than seeing the big picture, we break down their actions and choose what meaning we want to give them. We end up either holding on to some miniscule of hope and ignoring the reality of the situation, or we become obsessed with focusing on the wrong, in spite of everything that is right.

Text messages seem to be the most dangerous form of communication for a woman in need of more profound answers. With nothing but a few written words to base a response off of, she will somehow derive an additional message from the original. She becomes the creator of some non-existent text and disregards fact, which is literally spelled out for her. Her fictitious thinking can only hurt her.

Bottom line: Don't drive yourself crazy trying to decode him. Remember that men say what they mean and mean what they say.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: The Proposal

An absolutely hilarious story of a battle of the sexes that somehow turns into romance. Reasons to love it: 1) Ryan Reynolds looks amazing shirtless 2) Who doesn't love Sandra Bullock? 3) Betty White. Enough said.

True Love

Hey everyone! I just wanted to share one of my favorite dessert recipes (love themed of course) for the weekend! Make these Red Velvet Cupcakes with someone special, they won't disappoint. Happy baking!

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon cocoa powder

1 1/2 cups vegetable oil

1 cup buttermilk, room temperature

2 large eggs, room temperature

2 tablespoons red food coloring

1 teaspoon white distilled vinegar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

1 pound cream cheese, softened

2 sticks butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 cups sifted confectioners' sugar

Chopped pecans and fresh raspberries or strawberries, for garnish

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 (12-cup) muffin pans with cupcake papers.

In a medium mixing bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder. In a large bowl gently beat together the oil, buttermilk, eggs, food coloring, vinegar, and vanilla with a handheld electric mixer. Add the sifted dry ingredients to the wet and mix until smooth and thoroughly combined.

Divide the batter evenly among the cupcake tins about 2/3 filled. Bake in oven for about 20 to 22 minutes, turning the pans once, half way through. Test the cupcakes with a toothpick for doneness. Remove from oven and cool completely before frosting.

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese, butter and vanilla together until smooth. Add the sugar and on low speed, beat until incorporated. Increase the speed to high and mix until very light and fluffy.

Garnish with chopped pecans and a fresh raspberry or strawberry.

Cook's Note: Frost the cupcakes with a butter knife or pipe it on with a big star tip.

*Recipe compliments of Paula Deen, Food Network.com

The Dating Game

Dating can be exhausting if we always have expectations of something more growing out of it. It becomes a process rather than something that is supposed to be fun. We stress about finding someone and end up reaching for every guy that comes our way, only to be disappointed in the end. It's impossible to find a match every time, and we should not be discouraged when a date is just that, a date. For those of you who find yourselves growing tired of the old dating game, maybe it's time to take a new approach.

The first date can always be nerve wracking, but the ones following should be more relaxed and comfortable. It's supposed to be about getting to know someone and having a good time while doing it, not worrying about where it may lead. Dating doesn't always have to go anywhere serious, and can just be done for the sole reason of going out. It can simply be something fresh and exciting, and not necessarily future material.

Instead of pulling our hair out and becoming sick of dating, we need to realize that it is okay to be single, for however long that may be. We start to tire of dating because we never allow ourselves that time to be on our own, and jump at the chance of being with x,y and z because we fear the dreaded single status. It never helps to relentlessly search for someone. We need to shake off the expectations of being in a relationship and just sit back and enjoy the ride. Taking the time to work on our relationships with ourselves will only strengthen a future one with someone else.

Maybe casual dating is the answer, or taking a break from it all together. There is such a thing as too much dating, and forcing ourselves to seize every romantic opportunity (no matter how far fetched) that crosses our paths can detract from our enjoyment and faith in love.

The next time someone gives you that sympathetic look when you tell them that you're single, remember that me comes before we, and that dating will become exhausting if you always associate date with mate.

Mirror, Mirror...

It's easy to scrutinize the problems in our peers' relationships and make the solution to whatever issue the couple is dealing with seem obvious. We simplify the necessary response, but this is only because of our detachment from the inner workings of the relationship itself. When it comes to our own dilemmas, we tend to think twice, sometimes even going against the judgment of the better part of our selves, the self that can operate more rationally outside the bounds of love and emotion.

We have all given advice to friends in need, friends who wonder "Is he cheating? Is he lying? Does he treat me right?" We assess the issues and instantly have a plan, pushing it forward and wondering how something so seemingly evident could not be accepted. We react to resistance with frustration as though taking action will come as easily as arriving at the verdict itself. Of course, to us, it seems plain as day. Why shouldn't it?

An outside perspective works solely around facts and is a far cry from those emotionally invested. But what happens when the same issues that we convince our friends are break-up worthy become our own reality? The solution is not as clear, and we reject the strong stance that we had while helping another, and refuse to think from the outside. We become the girl we so desperately try to convince of our conclusions regarding her troubled relationship. When the roles are reversed, we can't step up and take a dose of our own advice.

Sometimes it's better to release ourselves from the constraints of emotion that can override our thought process. Sometimes we need to give ourselves the same advice that we give others. Nobody wants to be that girl, purely naive and refusing to acknowledge the faults in her relationship, yet criticizing others in the same boat for their failure to see the light.

When you find yourself contradicting your strongest convictions for the sake of sparing yourself heartache, maybe it's time to have a look from the outside.

What is Love?

We all recognize love once we experience it. More than anything, we know that it exists on the basis of our own feelings, or whatever feelings that we specifically define as love. Somehow, despite our obsession with the concept, we can never fully understand it. Our favorite emotion is one that is thrown around everyday, and while it penetrates so many aspects of our lives, it remains such an abstract and fluid feeling.

I call love fluid simply because it comes in a different form to everyone and there is no clear meaning or description of how one is supposed to feel when they find it. I can't label or simplify love. It is purely subjective and something that can only be understood, at least emotionally, when personally experienced.

We've all been told that we can't pass judgement on other people's relationships because we aren't involved in them, and this speaks to the idea of love as only comprehended by those experiencing it. We may disagree with why two people are together, but we have no idea of what makes them work, and how they feel about one another. Their understanding of love may be worlds different than our own. Love to one may be companionship and a sense of security, love to another could be a deeper emotional connection.

Love, in the romantic sense, is truly puzzling. I have racked my mind time after time to solidify some sort of meaning, but to no avail. I find myself looking to my emotions only to define another, and am left with the idea that it cannot be explained, only felt.

What do you think love is? What are the feelings that you associate it with? Please feel free to express anything about your personal understanding of love.