The Chase: Evil or Effective?

My opinion: Effective.

It took me a while to understand this, but once I finally did, something magical happened. I realized that any woman can control her relationship by yielding to a little something called "the chase". I'm not one to play games, but when dealing with a guy who is sending mixed signals, pulling back is the best thing to do in order to figure out his level of interest. Let him chase you for a change.

It can be hard to leave a text unanswered for a while before responding to it, or being "unavailable" to talk when that's exactly what you want to do, but challenging a guy to pursue you is a smart move. Why? Because men love the chase.

Nothing excites a guy more than obtaining something that he feels is out of his grasp. He will put more effort into getting it if he knows that there is a challenge involved. He shouldn't feel like he has simply won you over, but as though you are fleeting and could disappear at any minute unless he follows your lead.

As for the girls in relationships, men can get confused in thinking that we will always be at their beck and call. When he gets frustrated when you're busy, yet justifies his own preoccupation, it's time to pull back. Letting him know that you have a life that does not revolve around him should lessen his hypocritical expectations.

We have all done it at one point, whether we chose to "ignore" his messages for a few hours just to test him, or to dissolve all contact to let him know that he's not the only thing on our minds. When done right, this subtle evasive tactic will have him running to you.

Remember that this method only works in small and gentle doses.  Alienation and flat out disinterest are quite the opposite of pulling back, and a successful relationship is based on equal parts of give and take. But the occasional chase has its warranted moments.

The next time you're wondering how he feels, disappear for a little bit. If he cares, he will chase.

He Says, She Says

Women are far more complicated than men. Our minds constantly try to interpret some greater meaning in their words and actions, but the truth is simple: men operate on the surface. We can analyze them as much as we want, but what we see is what we get. When it comes to men, sometimes it is what it is.

Reading too much into the world of men can only leave us confused. Whether we are trying to pull some small fragment of positivity from what is clearly a negative message, or focusing too much on the negative and completely dissolving the positive, our in depth assessments will never do us any good.

We refuse to accept the simplicity in the fact that men say what they mean.  Rather than seeing the big picture, we break down their actions and choose what meaning we want to give them. We end up either holding on to some miniscule of hope and ignoring the reality of the situation, or we become obsessed with focusing on the wrong, in spite of everything that is right.

Text messages seem to be the most dangerous form of communication for a woman in need of more profound answers. With nothing but a few written words to base a response off of, she will somehow derive an additional message from the original. She becomes the creator of some non-existent text and disregards fact, which is literally spelled out for her. Her fictitious thinking can only hurt her.

Bottom line: Don't drive yourself crazy trying to decode him. Remember that men say what they mean and mean what they say.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: The Proposal

An absolutely hilarious story of a battle of the sexes that somehow turns into romance. Reasons to love it: 1) Ryan Reynolds looks amazing shirtless 2) Who doesn't love Sandra Bullock? 3) Betty White. Enough said.

True Love

Hey everyone! I just wanted to share one of my favorite dessert recipes (love themed of course) for the weekend! Make these Red Velvet Cupcakes with someone special, they won't disappoint. Happy baking!

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon cocoa powder

1 1/2 cups vegetable oil

1 cup buttermilk, room temperature

2 large eggs, room temperature

2 tablespoons red food coloring

1 teaspoon white distilled vinegar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

1 pound cream cheese, softened

2 sticks butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 cups sifted confectioners' sugar

Chopped pecans and fresh raspberries or strawberries, for garnish

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 (12-cup) muffin pans with cupcake papers.

In a medium mixing bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder. In a large bowl gently beat together the oil, buttermilk, eggs, food coloring, vinegar, and vanilla with a handheld electric mixer. Add the sifted dry ingredients to the wet and mix until smooth and thoroughly combined.

Divide the batter evenly among the cupcake tins about 2/3 filled. Bake in oven for about 20 to 22 minutes, turning the pans once, half way through. Test the cupcakes with a toothpick for doneness. Remove from oven and cool completely before frosting.

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese, butter and vanilla together until smooth. Add the sugar and on low speed, beat until incorporated. Increase the speed to high and mix until very light and fluffy.

Garnish with chopped pecans and a fresh raspberry or strawberry.

Cook's Note: Frost the cupcakes with a butter knife or pipe it on with a big star tip.

*Recipe compliments of Paula Deen, Food Network.com

The Dating Game

Dating can be exhausting if we always have expectations of something more growing out of it. It becomes a process rather than something that is supposed to be fun. We stress about finding someone and end up reaching for every guy that comes our way, only to be disappointed in the end. It's impossible to find a match every time, and we should not be discouraged when a date is just that, a date. For those of you who find yourselves growing tired of the old dating game, maybe it's time to take a new approach.

The first date can always be nerve wracking, but the ones following should be more relaxed and comfortable. It's supposed to be about getting to know someone and having a good time while doing it, not worrying about where it may lead. Dating doesn't always have to go anywhere serious, and can just be done for the sole reason of going out. It can simply be something fresh and exciting, and not necessarily future material.

Instead of pulling our hair out and becoming sick of dating, we need to realize that it is okay to be single, for however long that may be. We start to tire of dating because we never allow ourselves that time to be on our own, and jump at the chance of being with x,y and z because we fear the dreaded single status. It never helps to relentlessly search for someone. We need to shake off the expectations of being in a relationship and just sit back and enjoy the ride. Taking the time to work on our relationships with ourselves will only strengthen a future one with someone else.

Maybe casual dating is the answer, or taking a break from it all together. There is such a thing as too much dating, and forcing ourselves to seize every romantic opportunity (no matter how far fetched) that crosses our paths can detract from our enjoyment and faith in love.

The next time someone gives you that sympathetic look when you tell them that you're single, remember that me comes before we, and that dating will become exhausting if you always associate date with mate.

Mirror, Mirror...

It's easy to scrutinize the problems in our peers' relationships and make the solution to whatever issue the couple is dealing with seem obvious. We simplify the necessary response, but this is only because of our detachment from the inner workings of the relationship itself. When it comes to our own dilemmas, we tend to think twice, sometimes even going against the judgment of the better part of our selves, the self that can operate more rationally outside the bounds of love and emotion.

We have all given advice to friends in need, friends who wonder "Is he cheating? Is he lying? Does he treat me right?" We assess the issues and instantly have a plan, pushing it forward and wondering how something so seemingly evident could not be accepted. We react to resistance with frustration as though taking action will come as easily as arriving at the verdict itself. Of course, to us, it seems plain as day. Why shouldn't it?

An outside perspective works solely around facts and is a far cry from those emotionally invested. But what happens when the same issues that we convince our friends are break-up worthy become our own reality? The solution is not as clear, and we reject the strong stance that we had while helping another, and refuse to think from the outside. We become the girl we so desperately try to convince of our conclusions regarding her troubled relationship. When the roles are reversed, we can't step up and take a dose of our own advice.

Sometimes it's better to release ourselves from the constraints of emotion that can override our thought process. Sometimes we need to give ourselves the same advice that we give others. Nobody wants to be that girl, purely naive and refusing to acknowledge the faults in her relationship, yet criticizing others in the same boat for their failure to see the light.

When you find yourself contradicting your strongest convictions for the sake of sparing yourself heartache, maybe it's time to have a look from the outside.

What is Love?

We all recognize love once we experience it. More than anything, we know that it exists on the basis of our own feelings, or whatever feelings that we specifically define as love. Somehow, despite our obsession with the concept, we can never fully understand it. Our favorite emotion is one that is thrown around everyday, and while it penetrates so many aspects of our lives, it remains such an abstract and fluid feeling.

I call love fluid simply because it comes in a different form to everyone and there is no clear meaning or description of how one is supposed to feel when they find it. I can't label or simplify love. It is purely subjective and something that can only be understood, at least emotionally, when personally experienced.

We've all been told that we can't pass judgement on other people's relationships because we aren't involved in them, and this speaks to the idea of love as only comprehended by those experiencing it. We may disagree with why two people are together, but we have no idea of what makes them work, and how they feel about one another. Their understanding of love may be worlds different than our own. Love to one may be companionship and a sense of security, love to another could be a deeper emotional connection.

Love, in the romantic sense, is truly puzzling. I have racked my mind time after time to solidify some sort of meaning, but to no avail. I find myself looking to my emotions only to define another, and am left with the idea that it cannot be explained, only felt.

What do you think love is? What are the feelings that you associate it with? Please feel free to express anything about your personal understanding of love.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: The Family Man

I sensed a female oriented trend going on in my recent movie picks, so this week I decided to change things up a bit. This movie focuses on a self-absorbed workaholic who gets the chance to go back and see how differently his life would be with love in it. He realizes that the woman he gave up is worth sticking around for. A typical story of what if and one of my favorites.

To Be or Not To Be

Cupid and Psyche, Gerard

After seeing "The Adjustment Bureau", I was left wondering about the extent, if any, that fate plays in our love lives. The movie depicted a destined romance under exaggerated circumstances, but no less had me questioning the idea.

Fate and destiny are heavy words, their meaning implies something far greater than anything that we can control. They suggest an invisible yet all powerful force that has already scripted our lives and that we unknowingly adhere to. I have heard stories of couples reuniting after years of separation, of people meeting and simply knowing that they were meant to be together, and all give credit to this elusive power.

When it comes to love, is there such a thing as destiny? Could our love lives be mapped out for us and we just go through the painful motions of unsuccessful relationships with someones until we find the one? I believe in destiny to a certain degree. While we may be meant to meet certain people, we are led to these encounters by our individual actions. We consciously and actively make these decisions, and fate may play a part in what these choices may lead us to, but is only second to our own free will.

Maybe we are destined to experience different relationships so that we can recognize the one that makes us feel different than any other has. Maybe we are supposed to feel the bad to appreciate the good, or feel hurt to learn from past mistakes. I certainly believe that there is a stronger force that exists that has the power to bring two people together, but that depends on our own choices.  We cannot just sit back and expect our lives to just happen, we need to actively do in order to find. 

Fate and free will work in mysterious ways, leading us to things that will shape our lives in some way. We may give up hope when we get our hearts broken, but we will probably learn something that will invariably alter how we experience and handle our future relationships, and affect the path that leads us to who we are meant to be with. 

In terms of destiny, we do have a hand in our own futures, and the good and the bad could all be a part of our road to finding what we are "destined" to find.

Whenever you are feeling as though you've crossed paths with too much of the bad, remember that everything you go through will eventually guide you to the good.

The City of Love

Well, I'm headed to Philadelphia for the week, otherwise known as the city of love. Okay, it might be considered the city of brotherly love, but love is love and I'm not one to discriminate. I plan on making a trip to Center City's Love Park, famous for artist Robert Indiana's L O V E sculpture. The area is always flooded with couples trying to take a photograph in front of it. If you're looking to visit one of these sculptures and Philly is a bit too far, you can also find them in New York and Indianapolis.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: Sixteen Candles

If you look back and cringe on your awkward high school years, then this movie is for you! We've all had  embarrassing moments, pined for the most popular guy at school, and experienced love for the first time. Molly Ringwald's character speaks to every insecure teenage girl and ends up with the ultimate happy ending. Bonus: Her crush is VERY cute.  A must see.

If It IS Broke, Don't Fix It

Everyone encounters problems in their relationship from time to time, and how they deal with them is dependent upon the people involved as well as the extent of the issue at hand. Sometimes we need to realize that we cannot and should not always fix something when it's broken, as we could end up leaving our hearts in a far worse state than the relationship that we are so desperately trying to save.  As far as relationships go, broken suggests an absence of love on the part of one or both parties, and that in itself is something that is irreparable.

The situation: He tells you he doesn't love you anymore and that he is ending things.  You beg him to stay and tell him that you want to work things out. The resolution: You end up together again but constantly wonder about how you can make him love you, how you can change and what you did wrong. The problem: Love isn't something that can be constructed by any words.  It is a natural feeling, and if it doesn't exist, why pretend that it does?

It always amazes me how easily an essentially "broken" couple can artificially repair itself. Patched up relationships may be smoothed over on the surface, but the entire structure is balancing on a counterfeit framework. Break-ups imply that something is broken, and like small fragments of glass, your heart cannot be fixed with such a temporary solution. While it hurts, sometimes a break-up is needed so that you can fully heal as opposed to leaving your heart in pieces, trudging along with only the delusional idea of being "okay" to keep it together.  Simply staying together for the sake of staying together rather than coping with the hurt and eventually finding love is inevitably more painful than breaking-up. A glazed over surface can only mask the truth for so long, and being happy just to be with someone, and not the someone, isn't true happiness.

When someone flat out dismisses you, your relationship and your love, that's a fairly strong indicator that the issue cannot be sorted out.  To be dumped, and even worse, to be told that you are no longer loved, is painful.  Even more painful is how women can react to this.  Rather than trying to convince someone to love you, you should realize that you shouldn't have to.  If someone breaks your heart or tells you that theirs is no longer in the relationship, then that's that. Love involves two people, and to settle for anything less would be limiting your happiness. Sometimes something isn't meant to be, and the acceptance of this is what will move us forward to find what is. The recovery process will be less painful, and when we do find something real, it will be even more wonderful simply because we know that our love is undeniably and unconditionally reciprocated.

When it comes to relationships, if it is broken, maybe you shouldn't fix it.

The Rules of Flirting

When it comes to flirting, how much is too much? This question doesn't really apply to those of us who are single, but for those who are taken, is there a line that exists? I have always seen flirting as harmless, and find that, as a woman, it's hard not to use it as an advantage.  Girls tend to have a different agenda when they flirt, often a desire to easily obtain something.  Guys, on the other hand, flirt simply for the opportunity to interact with the opposite sex.  Whatever the purpose for flirting, there are boundaries and conditions that apply.

When things go beyond the verbal and move to the physical, that is an obvious and definite offense, otherwise known as cheating.  On a smaller scale, when things become too intense verbally, that is also a strike. We all flirt, but some of us take it beyond the accepted amount and move into dangerous territory.  Repeated flirting with the same person can be meaningless, but when it goes from a social setting to a one on one setting, that could be construed as a date.  If you have a flirtatious but strictly platonic relationship with someone and realize they may want something more, be sure to address your status as "taken".

Pretending to be single suggests that you want this person to believe you're single, which could translate to a desire to actually be single. Additionally, when the flirting becomes too personal and continues via messaging of any type, take a step back.  Even if you don't plan on taking the flirting any further, your partner may think otherwise. As for the compulsive flirters out there, consider if your need to flirt is a personality trait that is based on attention and social interaction, or a need to escape the binds of a relationship that you may not want to be in.

If you wonder if your flattery is too much, think of how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Would you feel disrespected or hurt? Would you think something more was going on other than innocent flirting?  When you have to worry if your flirting is bordering inappropriate, it probably is. Nothing will slap you back into reality faster than a bit of empathy.  Imagine your partner in your shoes and have a look from the outside.

Love in the Time of Chanel

With spring on the way, love is not only in the air but in fashion as well! Check out these bold and flirty pieces that scream romance

Chanel

Yves Saint Laurent

David Yurman

GUESS

The Way to a Girl's Heart

Maybe this is the foodie in me speaking, but I can't help but feel the same positive feelings I often have in love when I see or taste something delicious. Okay, maybe this a little over the top, but there seems to be some correlation between the two.  After walking around the city today and passing numerous bake shops, I realized that simply looking at all the desserts made me happy.

At first I seriously questioned the extent of my food obsession, but then I thought that maybe sweets do have the power to provoke some sense of euphoria.  With further research, I learned that when something is appealing to our senses, especially something sweet like a dessert, the reward part of our brain triggers similar feelings of contentment and satisfaction that can be felt in love. This definitely explains why our indulgences fluctuate with our moods.  Maybe chocolate is the way to a girl's heart after all...

Date Night

"Dating" is considered the stage leading up to a relationship, and once we pass this step we sometimes forget its importance.  Yes, getting to know each other is primarily reserved for the courting period, but it is also critical when it comes to making a relationship last.  We can never stop learning about our significant other, and dating is a fun and exciting way to do it. This time together allows us to continuously relive the excitement of something new and to generate (and maintain) the spark that attracted us to someone in the first place, and that can keep us together.

Date night, for my purposes, is not solely characterized by "going out" but also by staying in. Doing things together and planning time reserved for two is what establishes a night (or day) as a date. Renting a movie, walking through the city, grabbing drinks, cooking dinner and visiting local museums or gardens are all fun things to do. Personally, there's no date night that I enjoy better than choosing a recipe off the Food Network and fumbling my way through it with the one I love. Aside from providing alone time, this activity can bring two people closer together as they work toward a common end.  This end, of course, is not just the satisfaction of a job well done but also being able to enjoy a romantic meal for two.  If you're not too quick in the kitchen, baking is easier, and nothing says "I love you" better than sweets!

In honor of the weekend, think up something romantic, silly, fun, or crazy to do with your man and remember that dates are not just for those who are dating. Happy Friday!

Here are a few of my favorite on-screen couples, enjoy!

The Breakfast Club: Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald

 Serendipity: John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale

 The Holiday: Kate Winslet and Jack Black

Sixteen Candles: Molly Ringwald and Michael Schoeffling

How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days: Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey

Love at First Sight: Fact or Fiction?

I consider myself somewhat of a hopeless romantic. Yes, I've fantasized about the destined romances depicted in movies and the perfect love affairs that follow one simple glance, but I'm not naive. When it comes to love at first sight, that's something I find hard to take seriously.  How could two people possibly fall in love without knowing anything about each other?

For those who "just know" that they've met their match off the basis of one vague interaction, how could you form a romance without so much as a word?  A spark, an attraction, and even a connection may be found at first sight, but a complex feeling such as love is more difficult to pinpoint.  Spending time together, getting to know each other and finding your counterpart in another is something that involves divulging deeper into another's history and personality.  The first moments of a meeting may determine if you feel that relationship could have a future, but it can hardly make you fall in love. Love is so hard to find simply because it takes time to develop, and it is an emotion so wrought over when lost because of its rarity.  It couldn't possibly be such a simple process.

I find that the majority of people who claim that "it was love at first sight" are those whose relationships have worked out in the long-run, so they romanticize their initial interaction because they feel safe doing so.  Why shouldn't they? Their "just knowing" ended up being accurate.  As for those who were misled by an instant connection, you will rarely hear them boast about this instinctive feeling.

The next time you feel drawn to a guy, don't set yourself up for disappointment by calling it destiny off the bat, remember that love takes time, and that eye contact does not substitute for getting to know each other on a more intimate level.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: Serendipity

When an event is serendipitous, it means that something wonderful happened by chance. I absolutely LOVE the movie based on this concept. It follows two characters who have a single meeting and years later find each other again. Yes, the idea of destiny is a bit cliche, but the movie will leave you feeling like anything is possible in love and in life.

One Word Can Make All the Difference

I always hear people justify the problems in their relationships by claiming that they are "fighting to stay together", and that may be true, but there appears to be a misconception regarding what that phrase actually means.  If you are actively trying to overcome obstacles in order to strengthen a relationship, then you are fighting for something. On the other hand, if you are constantly nagging at one another and picking each other apart, then you are simply fighting.

Ignoring all of the arguments and associating them with an effort to "make a relationship work" just hides the fact that it doesn't.  An unwillingness to accept that something isn't right is NOT compatible with trying to correct it, and if the same issues arise over and over again without resolution, there is probably a deeper problem. Arguments should end with a common understanding and improvement among a couple, rather than a meaningless "I"m sorry" until the next time the same fight comes around.

Consider how big or small and frequent or infrequent these arguments are, and if both of you can grow past them without seriously compromising who you are. Instead of putting up with the fighting, try to correct it.  If your relationship is spent in a perpetual battle, neither one of you will be happy. Decide if your fighting is constructive or destructive, and remember that fighting with and fighting for are not synonymous terms.