Flirtatious Foods

There's no better way to spice up an intimate evening in the kitchen than to incorporate a few aphrodisiacs into your meal.  The following ingredients are sure to get you and your man in the mood, and of course, they taste delicious!

Officially Unofficial

I've never really understood the whole "unofficial relationship" thing.  In my eyes, you are either with someone or you're not. Most guys avoid the "official" duties that come with being in a relationship by playing the part of the boyfriend but disregarding the title. His behavior: He spends all his time with a girl, but when things get messy feels no problem doing his own thing for a while because he feels no responsibility to her.  Then the time comes when he decides he is over being alone and he simply waltzes back into her life, no questions asked. Where is the girl's say in a situation like this? When did she agree to being officially unofficial?

For those who find themselves in this situation, and for those who wonder how they ever agreed to a half-ass set up like this, it's time to place all the cards on the table.  When it comes to love and relationships, while something doesn't need to be public to have meaning, it does need to be acknowledged between the two people involved. Both need to make sure that they're on the same page about what is going on between them, and flat out say how they feel and what they want. Too often, girls are so blinded by being happy with someone else that they forget about their own happiness.  They pretend to be okay with just hooking up, or being unofficial, but in the process lose their voice and lose the chance of having a relationship with someone who wants to take that next step and entirely commit themselves. The fear of losing their unofficial partner seems to outweigh the fear of losing themselves, so they act the part of the carefree girl who doesn't want anything too serious.

When there's a big gap between what he wants and what you want, and when you find yourself putting him before you, it's time to break your silence. The worst thing you can do is just sweep your needs under the table and cater to his.  It may feel like the end of the world to give up on someone because they aren't looking for a girlfriend, but if it's a boyfriend and a future you want, don't wait around for someone who plainly says they don't want it to give it to you.  Make your own future.

My verdict on these officially unofficial relationships: hopelessly hopeless.

The Modern Day Romeo: The Man, the Myth, the Legend

We all know the story of Romeo and Juliet, and while dramatic, it seems to have influenced our idea of the perfect man. At one point or another, we find ourselves day dreaming about this illusive character whose valiant behavior cannot be matched.  But does such a man even exist?  It seems to me that every Juliet has her Romeo, the one man who makes her feel even more amazing than she already is, and who treats her with the kindness and respect that she deserves.

The title "Romeo" may be a stretch, but every woman has her own individual notion of what constitutes this figure.  While Shakespeare's version may have been a little over the top, there are real life Romeos out there.  There is the one guy that is your perfect match, and while he may not climb up a balcony and proclaim his undying love for you, he can still be the man of your dreams.

I believe we are worth the best of the best, but I also believe that we can sometimes have unrealistic expectations when it comes to love. We should have the love story, but have to remember that it's not always the grand gestures that prove his affection, but little gestures too. A single rose can mean as much as a dozen, and cooking together can be an even more intimate experience than going out to an expensive restaurant.

There is no universal conception of Romeo, but each woman can have her own.  He is embodied in the man who brings us a love and happiness we never knew could come from another.

In response to this "myth", maybe it's not such a far-fetched idea after all.

Can I Have Your Number?

And no, I'm not talking about a phone number. I'm talking about the number that every couple has to reveal to each other at one point or another.  That dreaded question that both men and women fear will affect the other's perception of them, and even the relationship itself.  How many people you have slept with is a topic that should always be addressed sooner, rather than later.

No matter how big or small your number, honesty is always the best policy.  The easiest way to mess up any relationship is to lie, and clearing the air before anything gets too involved will test if you're both seriously interested.  Keep in mind that these numbers should be discussed once, and only once, and just like the conversation, the characters involved should be left in the past. Don't dwell on how many people he has slept with, or try to pry further into any specifics.  Know that he is with you now, and your future together outweighs his past with numbers 1, 2, 3 and 4 by a long shot.

Being open with each other in the beginning will only help your relationship build a sense of trust. If you're worried about his number being too high, remember that he's choosing to be with you. Don't destroy a relationship before it even takes off because of an imaginary competition with figments of his past.

When you ask "can I have your number?" simply leave it at that.

Romantic Movie Pick of the Week: The Holiday

If ever you're feeling down and uninspired, The Holiday will surely bring you back to believing in love and redemption.

Long Distance Relationships: Friend or Foe?

For those of us who have been in long distance relationships, I'm sure you're familiar with the ups and downs of being with someone who is, for the most part, physically absent from your life.  The vital emotional connection is sustained through phone calls, texts and emails, but every little fight, problem or pain is compounded by the distance. Distant words, spoken or written, are the only means available in communicating, and fighting without the other senses can be dragged on and petty.  The actual heart ache that is felt on your last day together is something that lessens with time, or maybe you just get used to the daunting pain.  But the good can, and should, outweigh the bad.

Long distance relationships can work, and can strengthen the bond between two people, who grow to appreciate the sacrifices they make for one another.  They can demonstrate the commitment two people have to each other and provide both with the opportunities to have a sense of self that is not defined by their attachment to someone else. The success of long distance relationships is largely dependent upon the people involved.

If you're willing to cope with the ache in your heart and know that seeing each other, whenever that may be, will nullify the weeks or even months of feeling those moments of longing, then it's worth it.  If you're willing to accept that messaging and phone calls are a crucial part in maintaining that sense of togetherness, then you can get through it. You also have to question how long you want to be long distance, and if you know that both of you want to be together, not biweekly, but every day, someday, then you do it. Only you can determine whether or not that empty space can wait to be filled, and whether or not there is enough trust on the part of both parties to accept having to wait for that fulfillment.

I, personally, never quite understood the term heartache, at least in it's physical translation, until I was in a long distance relationship.  It didn't hit me at first, but after months of dating and transitioning from seeing each other every day to seeing each other twice a month, I finally felt it.  I had to suppress my tears hours before the moment of departure, and the goodbye felt like someone was twisting my heart.
Sunday mornings had this lingering sadness that was evident, but not acknowledged, until it was actually time to go.  I would try to prolong our time together, but eventually the separation was inevitable.  For that first night alone, I was in a temporary daze, but a few days of a return to my normal routine helped to lessen the hurt.  Knowing that even when we were apart, we could still have an intimacy that was not solely physical but based upon something deeper was comforting.

I believe that, while it took a toll on me in the time we were apart, the time that we spent together was that much better.  Every second was spent in a state of ridiculous happiness, and looking at those moments is what got me through until the next visit.

Long distance relationships can certainly test your level of dedication, but if two people love each other enough to want to make it work, they can be a wonderful thing.

Liar Liar...

What's worse than being lied to is knowing that you're being lied to, and more often that not, we end up lying to ourselves.  It's impossible to shake that empty feeling in your stomach that tells you something is wrong, and despite his protests, that feeling doesn't go away.  If men are telling lies, or if we believe men are telling lies, how are we ever supposed to trust them and have a properly functioning relationship? What kind of a lie makes the jump from a white lie to a serious issue, and should lying be forgiven?

I've had that heart pounding, stomach dropping feeling before, and in my experience, it means trouble. As much as our minds try to mask the warning signs, our bodies seem to be better at manifesting how we truly feel. Women have an innate sense of security, and when we feel it has been breeched, our bodies react to the inner workings of our minds (as much as we try to cover up our doubts).  Trust is one of the most important things in any relationship.  We should feel happy, safe and secure.  The creeping paranoia that comes with mistrust will only consume our lives if we don't respond to it.

I believe that lying of any kind should not be tolerated, and while I'm not saying to break up with someone because of a small, inconsequential lie (hey, we've all done it), I am saying that lying should not be so easily forgiven. Let him know that his little white lie was hurtful, and watch closely to ensure that those little white lies don't become frequent, or worse, develop into something bigger.

Any relationship that makes you feel on edge, crazy or physically sick is never a good one. Blame should not solely be placed on another, but also on yourself. These symptoms are a product of our own level of comfort and trust. So the next time your boyfriend goes out with his friends and you spend the whole night tossing and turing over what he's doing, take a minute to think about why you are feeling this way and if you want to continue to be with someone who makes you feel this way.  An even more difficult task: figuring out whether there really is an issue or if your insecurities are the culprit.

You will find someone that brings you that overwhelming sense of contentment without sacrificing your sanity. You should love him, but keep in mind that you should also love you and that your happiness as an individual comes first. Breaking up may lead to a few months of pain, but it will also free you from that crippling mental and physical exhaustion that could last for much longer.