Tuesday, March 1, 2011

One Word Can Make All the Difference

I always hear people justify the problems in their relationships by claiming that they are "fighting to stay together", and that may be true, but there appears to be a misconception regarding what that phrase actually means.  If you are actively trying to overcome obstacles in order to strengthen a relationship, then you are fighting for something. On the other hand, if you are constantly nagging at one another and picking each other apart, then you are simply fighting.

Ignoring all of the arguments and associating them with an effort to "make a relationship work" just hides the fact that it doesn't.  An unwillingness to accept that something isn't right is NOT compatible with trying to correct it, and if the same issues arise over and over again without resolution, there is probably a deeper problem. Arguments should end with a common understanding and improvement among a couple, rather than a meaningless "I"m sorry" until the next time the same fight comes around.

Consider how big or small and frequent or infrequent these arguments are, and if both of you can grow past them without seriously compromising who you are. Instead of putting up with the fighting, try to correct it.  If your relationship is spent in a perpetual battle, neither one of you will be happy. Decide if your fighting is constructive or destructive, and remember that fighting with and fighting for are not synonymous terms.

2 comments:

  1. alex I think you hit the nail on the head with the statement "ignoring all the arguments and associating them with an effort to make a relationship work just hides the fact that it doesn't". I feel like this happens a lot in relationships that are going well, but the couple deeply care about each other. They keep fighting because they think they are working towards a resolve but don't realize when a relationship is broken. This reminds me of a book, a very good friend lent to me titled: "its called a break-up because its broken". So many of us want to spend time working on something that doesn't work, and that doesn't mean that the couple doesn't care for one another, because I believe you can love someone and know they are not right for you. Love is a very difficult thing to understand, but if you're lucky enough to have it, embrace it and never waste a moment with the one you love!

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