Measure in Love

I believe there are measures of love; that it exists on a spectrum and fluctuates amidst external factors and across time. That there is a range of emotions that encompass loving someone, being in love with someone, and feeling true love for someone, all entirely different states. Only within the latter do I believe that relationships are immune from any of the detrimental and selfish actions that are so often the demise of partnerships. This is not to say they are free from any mistakes, but that the severity of these errors is far less when both parties are truly in love.

There is selfish love, a love that exists on some level and perhaps even an all consuming level, but a love that places one partner above the other. Selfish in the sense that hurtful actions and consequences are an afterthought, and love is used as an excuse for forgiveness. A selfish love tries to hold on to someone that they no longer want or are incapable of being everything to. It desires a shadow of what was to maintain some semblance of a relationship simply to avoid loss. Love may exist far across the spectrum, but this is not a love deserved or sought after. This is not true love.

Take the cheater. A cheater can certainly love their partner with all their heart, but this is not true love. True loves places both people in an equal position of devotion, loyalty and commitment. This is a type of feeling that halts the damaging actions a selfish love may contemplate or execute; cheating being at the highest level of betrayal.

True love sees no boundaries or restrictions. It prioritizes and has the loved one placed at the front of the mind at all times; not only when it is convenient or when there is nothing or nobody else of importance. True love recognizes when it has run its course, and lets go of the person that is still clinging on to the ideal of an “us” to prevent a dragged out heartbreak. True love does not always last forever, but the pains that a selfish love can bring do not exist within it.

In the end, life will test love. The choices that are made amidst its uncertainties will ultimately define the type of love that each person gives and receives. It is the choice of each individual to decide whether they deserve more.  I hope everyone chooses the pinnacle: true love.